Suicide note… farewell

To those who have tasted, buckled under the weight, see you soon

Page upon page death rings absolute

The echoes of their demise resonate within my soul, deep darkness takes hold

No more feeling, what’s the point?

My name, soon to be added, eternal ink

There is no point, right?


To the light I cling, though only for a short time

Sunset, twilight, midnight, darkness absolutely covers

Descend into the pit… 


Love is an old taste  

My pallet has since been cleansed 

Glimmers of fiery red, it reminds me of the light

It fades, gone


Extinguished by the creeping black

Only bitterness remains…

A weighty blanket covers my sorrow 

Too much pressure, I resist, to no avail

It consumes, living somehow 

It becomes heavier, tighter, denser 

I feel the weight, I really do

It drags me under, suffocating

     I Am. Alone. -he whispers


In a vacuum I scream

No one hears no one cares

They have all been pushed away

I’ve rejected them, they me

If only they knew, I love them, I need them


In my  hand I hold the pen

Listening to the evil lies, they seem sweet somehow

Lies of the accuser

I bring my hand to the book, eternal signature

I shake, I falter

Someone greater than myself, a hand unseen

Whispers; No, you are mine


Light creeps in unexpected, unwelcome

Something outside myself

The blanket burns away, for a moment

I’m vulnerable, I thrash for cover

None to be found, just light

I am forced to feel 


Tears flow, incredible pain

Beautiful healing pain 

It delightfully burns my skin, my mind

A weight is lifted, I can move, I can breathe

I see faces familiar

Why are they here? Don’t they know…

They seem to care

Love. My heart breaks


He tears through the darkness

Obliterates it

My God, my Lord, my Salvation

He holds the weight of my burden, my sin

Silence, my knees fail, love, worship

In His wake, there she is

A fiery hurricane, love affection, joy, gladness…

Lingering shame, shortly consumed

“Da Da” calls my boy

I must fight! Determination!


I bid farewell to the blanket

I refuse to put it on, myself

I bid farewell to the book

I refuse to write my own name


Though it shall be written, not today, not me

When I wake and the darkness covers

When the blanket weights down my soul

I shall be sorrowful yet always rejoicing

Darkness will come, yet I shall drag it to the light, exposing the lie

I can love, I will not hide


Thank you my Lord, my God

YHWH! Silence before you, trembling


Thank you my love

My red head, frightfully wonderful

My beautiful angel, my joy


Thank you my boy

Gabriel Paul, I love you! 

Daddy no longer holds the pen

I lay it down before the throne…



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